I like Cara Tripodi’s approach in
this chapter. Apparently her appoach uses a philosophy
of “mindfulness.” She recommends developing an “observer” position in
which the person steps back and looks at things as an observer would. Developing a practice of mindful meditation
would probably help. Try to disengage for a moment from the passion of feelings
and the rush of thoughts. Try to take a
more objective look at what’s taking place.
Then vengeance or the desire to change or control the addict may be less
urgent. The priority of doing what is
best for you is more possible.
She emphasizes the partner taking a path of
discovery. Don’t expect to be able to
know how to take care of yourself immediately.
Remember that your first priority is to protect yourself, to be safe and
to enable your own healing. Commit to
establishing the necessary boundaries on a “trial and error basis.”
This approach of staying in the
moment and restraining self-criticism would seem to be the logical approach in this
type of crisis. But as she points out,
it wouldn’t be easy.
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