In this chapter Dr. Schneider lays out the initial steps for
the partner. She provides important
guidelines for beginning to deal with the problem in a way that sets the
groundwork for long term healing and possible reconciliation. At the time of
“discovery” the partner is likely to be in crisis. Having such clear guidelines and the reasons
for taking these steps must be extremely helpful for person desperately seeking
direction. “What do I do now?!!”
From a
therapist’s point of view this conjoint counseling would be a delicate balance
between listening to each person’s pain and fear and maintaining a focus on the
steps forward. The partner may be all
over the place emotionally with hurt and rage from betrayal at one moment to
self blame the next moment. The addict
may be trying to defend, blaming the victim, trying to negotiate continuing the
addiction behavior and /or trying to rationalize it or brimming over with
emotional guilt and shame. An
inexperienced therapist unready to cope with such turmoil and unready to be
directive could find the session spiraling out of control, helpful to no
one. These guidelines can be very
helpful for the therapist to use to keep the process on track.
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